Taking my first step...

Okay well here we go... Some of you reading this know me and some of you do not, some of you know what hurdles I have had to endure in my life and others have no idea.  I am a 37 year old female that is writing her first personal blog.  WHY am I doing this now... honestly I do not know why it has taken me so long to do this... I grew up in Sunny So Cal with a Huge family one side Catholic the other side LDS.  I myself grew up LDS.... if you do not know what that is ... Latter Day Saint aka Mormon.  I grew up a goodie two shoes, lived by the rules, dressed modestly, never swearing... stuff like that.  

You never know what road you will have to take and how rough the waters will get.  I am blogging for several reasons.... bearing my soul for therapy sake, jumping on a soap box, and maybe say hopefully someone else can get some comfort in knowing someone else has delt with the same thing (I hope not but that is not how the world works).  I have been an inactive member of the church for I don't know how many years.  Do I still have a testimony despite what I have done and try not to do?  The answer is YES.  Do I have a respect for others absolutely... they do not have to agree with me just respect me and my decisions for MY LIFE.  

I have delt with abuse and am recovering from it... not an easy job but it HAS to happen.  Abuse has taken my seemingly innocent life and flip it upside down to the point that I did not know what side it up!  I am talking to the point that it is that little bits of sand that get into EVERYTHING when you go to the beach and you are STILL finding it years after.  It affected my relationships with friends and loved ones, and my relationship with God.  Took a major crack at my family... still working on putting that back together, Has made me loose or push people away, and made it almost impossible to have a decent relationship.  They say if you want relationship to work you must love yourself first.  For a long long time I did not, and it crippled me.  

Seeing this blog post so far makes me realize I have so much to say but do not want to drag it on and on... But I know I will break it down in pieces.  Hopefully this can touch someone the way that it touches me to write it.  I know my Heavenly Father loves me, and I KNOW that he never wanted any of this bad stuff to happen to me.  Maybe he is guiding me to write so that someone else can find the strength to overcome the mountains in their life.