This week has had all types of challenges and not any of them are easy especially when dealing with those that are close to a persons heart. When those close hurt so deeply it is never something that one can deal with unscathed. I had someone very close to me tell me that I needed to turn my emotions off to that one person. They did not understand when I told them that it was NOT POSSIBLE for me to do that. As an artist I am all my emotions and my emotions are what fuel me... if I turned off my emotions to that one person that was hurting me it would overflow to those that are constantly supportive of me and then the fallout would have been grave. All I know is that I love as much as I possibly can, and I am only the type of Daughter that my parents will allow me to be to them, I am the friend that my friends will allow, and someday possibly I will be the Mother that my children need me to be. I will do that with all my heart and the limits to that are endless or for some only what they will allow.
Remember the abuse that we deal with we are at that time a victim of situations that are beyond our control at the moment. The person that is abused repeatedly during an innocent time in their life without help will continue to allow themselves to be abused. WHY.... and I have heard that a lot WHY cant they get out of it, WHY are they allowing it to happy, WHY would they allow it in the first place.
Let me give you the beginning of my story. Guy that I knew growing up down the street from me would come and visit and we were pals. Then we started seeing each other and I already trusted him, he got in my head and because of the trust he knew I had in him.... well lets just say he psychologically did a mind bender on me. Led me to believe he was doing me a favor. When he turned on the physical abuse he already had me broken down for a while. When he finally got tired of me he let me go completely damaged and broken. Lets just say the next predator saw the writing on my forehead in flashing lights.... and because I was already conditioned a certain way to allow that .... lets just say it was easy for the next guy and the guy after that.
So who's fault is it that I got in toxic relationships... because that was all I really knew. It was that first guys fault. It took quite a bit of energy for me to see that it was not right... but it took the relationship after my rape to see the writing on the wall. I am not saying I am better now but I am saying everyday is a step into a better future.
This post might overlap a few others but I just felt it needed to be said.
