Knew a few people and I grew up a bit of a tomboy. So it was natural for me to want to hang with the guys. One of the guys was in one of my classes and his buddy (who was Military reserve) who I had been around several times to where I lowered my guard. Offered up to be the designated driver that night and would hang for a bit after we got back. We went out and things were totally cool, everyone was completely chill... played some billiards, the guys tipped back some beers and I had a few cokes. Left early and went back to dudes place. We were sitting around and joking, talking about school and stuff. Got myself something to drink and had to step out of the room for a while. When I came back to drink my beverage I was not feeling too good a bit after drinking it and was told I could lay down in the other room. Mind you any other time that I had been around these guys it was completely chill. Let's just say one of the guys left (and had asked me if I was okay) the other one (not the one in my class) told his buddy (the one I knew better) that he would stay up and keep an eye on me.... Needless to say I was drugged and woke up with my clothing disheveled.
I scurried home as quickly as I could and delt with the wrath..... All I know is that I blocked that out for a while till therapy! Dealing with rape is different for everyone. Some will be able to handle it better and some are just more sensitive in the nature of things. I kicked myself quite hard wondering why I let that happen to me. That I should have been better about keeping my guard... that I must have done something to where I deserved to be treated with such disrespect. NO ONE should be allowed to feel that way. This is something that I deal with on a daily basis. This incident was the peak of everything bad... I had relationships that were not healthy for me... but this.... this is a different monster all together and far from relationship.
All I know is that when I was in therapy I was told 1 out of 4 women are some kind of abuse. Makes me sad and I do not even know the number for males. All I know is that I hope that writing all of this gives me some peace of mind and might help someone else. Let's hope that Heavenly Father gives me the strength to overcome this hurdle. I know that I am dealing with this still one step at a time. My best friend has been my rock. He knows the good the bad and the ugly of me... yet he is still here. I thank God everyday for putting the RIGHT people in my life regardless of what religion they belong to I know we all must live on this crazy planet and love each other as Heavenly Father and his Son Loved us without any questions.
I try to make sure I make every single person in my life feel special and let them know that they mean the world to me. I may not see them everyday, may not even talk to them everyday... but they know I have luv for them. To all the people that I do not know yet... know that you are loved.
Once again I have done it... I have to force myself to stop writing if not I could go on and on. But it is ok... not like this is the last post I will ever do... I have so much to write and share. Till next time.
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